you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
