John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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