Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize