you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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