No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
