Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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