Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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