you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
