she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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