dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
