I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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