We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
