I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
