Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
