I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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