and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
