Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
