White coat. Heels.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
