Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
