A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
