it wasn't lemon gatorade
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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