for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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