ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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