Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
