I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
