Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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