i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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