I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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