she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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