if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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