I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize