Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
