Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
