i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
