Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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