You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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