I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
