How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
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I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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