just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't make out with my wife yet
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
