suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize