In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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