She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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