perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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