someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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