hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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