Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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