smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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