guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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