here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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