operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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