in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
