So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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