wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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