3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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