Yo dont text me then not text me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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