they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
