My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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