Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
