how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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