You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
