I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
