You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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