there's paper in my vomit.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
