Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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