there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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