Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
