I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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