she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
