my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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