You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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