I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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