I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
