We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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