you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
