She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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