Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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