Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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