I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
